I don’t believe in gender equality. I do not believe that God made man and woman to be equal in any way. I believe that in every organised institution, there is always a head and an assistant. It doesn’t mean that one should take the other for granted, or disrespect the other. I believe the husband is the head of the home and the wife is an assistant. My husband is a pilot, I have flown with him several times and I understood that here is a captain and a co-pilot. They are both responsible for the passengers’ lives. But when there is a final decision to make, it is up to the captain to make it. He is more experienced and the one with the responsibility. But any mature captain will not ignore his co-pilot because the co-pilot is not a cabin attendant. He is there for a reason. It just depends on how you understand and play your roles. I believe women should understand this. When a woman starts a struggle for power tussle with him, it tends to cause friction in the home. The woman should give the man the respect as the head of the home and also prove herself as a worthy co-pilot. He needs to see you as a reliable co-pilot. Continue..
Sometimes, he may not be the one running the house day-to-day, you are the one to take decisions but you have to do it in such a manner that he is comfortable enough to see you as someone he can rely on. When you have a proud and egocentric husband, hand him over to God. If you feel like your life is being threatened, or that of your children, get yourself out of that situation. You owe your children that. Try separation for a while, but before that, you must have tried other things. I do not believe that people should throw in the towel in their marriage at every flimsy excuse. You must have been a diligent wife and tried prayers and intervention. If all those fail, then you can remove yourself from that situation. Also, couples should be friends and communicate. What we call love sometimes fizzles out. True love comes from friendship. When you don’t feel those initial sparks, friendship is what keeps you together, until when the spark comes again.
What was the initial attraction?
Matthew: She was beautiful, fresh and untouched. I decided to start with someone who hadn’t seen the world yet.
Omotola: He was good looking but
basically, it was his sense of humour and sense of responsibility. He is
God-fearing too and a serious-minded person.
When did you propose to her?
Matthew: We didn’t court. I met
her when she was 16 and I was 26. We got married when she was 18. She
clocked 36 recently. We were family friends and I met her through my
elder sister. She used to come around the house and when she turned 18, I
decided she was ripe. I told her I would marry her and she didn’t
believe. I went to tell her late mother, who said I should wait till
after four years because Tola had just gained admission to the
university then. I told the mother that I couldn’t wait because I didn’t
trust the guys in the university.
How did he propose?
Omotola: That was when I turned
18. We had been friends for about two years. He was like a family friend
then but I knew he had some plans. He didn’t say anything serious and I
was somehow underage. When I turned 18, on my birthday, he jokingly
said, ‘babes you don grow o.’ He told me his plan.
Were you scared of getting married then?
Omotola: I wasn’t. I have always
been very mature for my age. But otherwise, I had already known him for
so long and was very comfortable with him. I just knew that life with
him would be comfortable and easy. I didn’t know I would conform to a
marriage setting because my mother used to tell me that I was very
headstrong. I just thank God that I found someone who could understand
me.
How has the journey been for 18 years?
Omotola: Nothing has changed
really. It is still the same relaxed, easy-going relationship. There are
times when we have misunderstandings but it is never anything serious
or unbelievably scary. It has been the grace and fear of God. Everything
results in what God thinks about the situations and we pray about it.
Everyone is conscious of the fact that we must respect God in the
relationship and then your spouse. We don’t just do things. Secondly, we
are very grounded and real. We try the best we can to make everything
natural. We don’t stress ourselves.
How did you manage the fame?
Omotola: It is just by God’s grace. If a couple cooperates with God, then He gives them the grace to tolerate each other.
How do you react to alleged scandals about your wife?
Matthew: I have heard and seen a
lot that were untrue about her. I trust her. I know they will always
write a lot of nonsense, why should I bother myself?
How do you feel when she plays romantic roles in movies?
Matthew: They are all
make-believe. They are not real and most of her movies are pecks and not
kisses. I told her not to cross that boundary.
What are the secrets of your successful marriage?
Matthew: It is God’s grace. We are disciplined and prayerful.
Omotola: It has to be God. There
is no other strategy. One person can be perfect and the second person
can be nasty. On our part, I’d say also that we don’t look at the
relationship as something we can walk away from. We look at it as a life
commitment. When you parents upset you, you cannot divorce them. Even
the bible says you will leave your father and your mother and cleave to
your spouse. Luckily, he doesn’t drink or smoke or abuse me. I don’t
have any major thing to complain about, and I hope it is the same thing
for him.
Do you quarrel?
Matthew: Yes we do. A lot. She is
very argumentative. She always wants to be right. You can never win an
argument with her. But she is the first to apologise.
Omotola: When there is a quarrel, I
usually apologise first. He doesn’t say sorry. Overtime, I have come to
realise that it is an ego problem. Even when he knows he is wrong, he
will rather do every other thing or buy things for me than say, ‘I’m
sorry.’ Fortunately, the ‘sorrys’ are not too many. He is very
responsible and more hardworking than me. By God’s grace, we have been
able to understand our routine.
What is your advice to celebrity couples?
Matthew: Foundation really
matters. Some people get into the relationship for one wrong motive or
the other. Most of them live false lives. Couples that are in the same
profession hardly last in a marriage. There is always competition. The
best thing is to marry someone that is compatible with you.
What are the reasons for break up in celebrity marriages?
Omotola: It is really hard but you
both have to feel extremely secure. You have to be extremely confident
and trust each other. There are so many things to deal with, especially
in this environment where some people just thrive in hurting other
people. The weird part is that you cannot believe that people are
capable of such wickedness. You are sane and cannot believe other people
are insane. These are the things that cause break up in celebrity
marriages. A lot of people are talking and saying nasty things that are
not true. It is just as if there is a gang up to break you up once they
know you are a celebrity or in a relationship. Most times, they are all
lies! Celebrity lifestyle gossip is getting to a point where they are
getting close to your kids and family. They try to put your relationship
in jeopardy. Then, petty things that wouldn’t cause any problems become
issues. I hope there would be legislation that will protect families.
Have you ever felt threatened by her success?
Matthew: There is no reason or
room for it. When I met her, she was just Omotola Jalade, and she had
done just one movie. I am happy for her. When I met her, she was just
getting into the movie industry. I always encourage her and hope for the
best. I don’t feel threatened in any way.
How do you switch from the lifestyle of a celebrity to that of a wife?
Omotola: It is easy for me. It
starts with who you truly are. The real me is not very glamorous. People
may not believe it. I know what people’s perception can be. I am a
homely person. If I had my way, I wouldn’t go out. When I am at home, I
am Omotola. When I am with my close friends, we don’t impress each other
and we try to keep it very real.
With the children, who is stricter?
Matthew: She is. We are blessed with kids that behave themselves. We do not have children that are into all sort of funny things.
How about the recent warning to bloggers about your daughter’s pictures?
Matthew: I do not know why they
would do that but it is just another lesson for the kids to be very
careful about what they put out there. Actually, she did it with the
intent of exchanging with her friends, not knowing that people will get
into her private business. We have told her to take down all the
pictures and leave only one.
How do you handle finance in your marriage?
Matthew: When we first started, we
had one account. We had goals and things that we wanted to do. Whatever
we earned had to be in one purse. Then, we sat at the end of the month
and drew a budget. We did that for so many years and were successful
until she started her own company and we decided she needed to have her
own account. In most marriages, the man goes into the marriage with the
mindset that he will be the sole provider even when the wife is working.
That does not make any sense. He uses his money to pay bills while the
woman will use hers to buy only make-up, clothes and shoes. If the
couple is one, they should join resources together to move ahead. Money
causes problems in a family when one person is being selfish. It doesn’t
matter who earns more or less. They should have a common goal. Save
together and accomplish things together.
Omotola: When we first started, we
used to have a joint account and I was in charge of the finances. But
as time went on, he started expanding. He has his own businesses and I
have my own too. It is very difficult keeping a joint account. One of
the things that scare couples about finance is trust. Luckily for us, we
do not have vices. The trust is intact and I know how he spends money.
He is more organised than I am. He has his budgets and it is always
open. Sometimes, he even tells his kids to go and look at his budget
because he is trying to teach them how to make budgets. Pilots are every
meticulous about schedules. For that reason, his life is almost boring
because everything is to the letter. I am the one who never has a budget
because I am a spontaneous person. But he knows I am not a trivial
person. I don’t just go about buying jewellery. That’s why I don’t have
many girlfriends because I don’t talk about those things girls talk
about. I am like a dude. I am always checking out cars or properties. He
knows the kind of things I would invest my money on.
Read the rest of the interview on Punch
0 comments:
Post a Comment